I don't mean to make light of a mauling, but one line in this article takes the cake. The wife of a man who was mauled by chimpanzees says, "One was at his head, one was at his foot. But all that time ... he was trying to reason with them" [ellipses in source.]
Reason with them?!?!? They're chimpanzees! You have to wonder, are these people vegans or just your ordinary, garden-variety idiot?
(Hat-tip to Ace of Spades.)